Dear Santa,

I only want three (3) things for Chris-mas this year. They are as follows (but please don’t feel limited to this list):

• 1. Night Owl Spirit Hood, which can be ordered from SpiritHoods.com if your funny little people are unable to create one or are too busy shooting a reboot of the Wizard of Oz franchise.
• 2. White iPad 2, the cheapest one because I know how much you hate that Steve Jobs will continue to one-up you even though he’s dead and you’re immortal or something.
• 3. A complete and legitimate set of Deathly Hallows. I don’t feel this one needs any more explanation other than “For the Greater Good”. (I couldn’t find J.K. Rowling’s address to provide you with a lead on where to get this, but I’m pretty sure she’s earned an eternal spot on the Nice List so you’ll be dropping by eventually. Just ask her then.)

I trust I have given you enough information to provide me with my fair share. In the event that you judge me unworthy, I will also take world peace, an end to pestilence, and the ability to fly. Thanks, Big Red. 

Sincerely,

Christopher Bird